a girlfriend’s guide to perimenopause
No gatekeeping edition.
Nearing 50, I’m two steps ahead of some of my younger girlfriends in this super fun thrill-ride towards menopause. A lot of them, now entering their own, “What in the literal fuck is happening with this body-snatching invasion towards the unknown?!” often ask me for Intel.
I preface this with- There is no one-size-fits-all journey. Everybody’s, “Is this normal?” is a unique baseline to each their own. I just know, I wish I had some knowledge going into this puberty on steroids and could have avoided the blindsided reckoning that was thrust upon me.
Not an exhaustive list, but here here is an honest, non-gatekeeping guide to my top 10 symptoms and experiences since they began at age 42. Some were big and some almost unnoticeable to the naked eye.
Do with this info as you will. And remember- ask your questions and follow your instincts when speaking to your medical providers. Don’t stop until you get the answers you are satisfied with. This midlife adventure doesn’t have to be miserable. Nobody gets a gold medal for grinning and baring it. You want to thrive, not just exist. And it can become the most empowering, feminine-fire and transformational shift and time of your life. There is hope. I’m here anytime for Q&A. xx, Jess
1. Most notable- Exacerbated anxiety and depression like I’ve never felt before. Diagnosed w GAD a long time ago- this was different. I couldn’t “ride the wave” and rationalize like I usually could. I was in the thick of it at all times and couldn’t find a way out. Panic attacks, intrusive thoughts of dying, irrational triggers, immobile on the bathroom floor crying, loss of motivation and joy in anything I was doing, cycles of unfounded worry and fatigue, living on autopilot, ranges of sadness from blue, to melancholy to grief - you name it.
2. Unexplained, weight gain particularly around the tummy over a short amount of time. I’ve always had a great metabolism and despite my active life-style…BAM!! Unexplainable weight came on that wouldn’t budge and wouldn’t come off.
3. Acne, skin and hair changes- Love, love, love breaking out like a 12 year old with painful, cystic pimples perfectly accessorized with itchy, flaky, inflamed skin all over and an influx of annoying, stubborn chin hairs in one spot -some as white as Santa’s beard. Hair texture on my head began to change and get drier and seems to be the only place my hair wasn’t growing.
4. Mood swings - all day, every day. No patience, short with everyone, especially the kids. Irritable, annoyed, wanted to run away from life many days. You name it. The difference- it wasn’t a one off bad day or two. It was more and more becoming the norm.
5. Night sweats -Most noticeably a few days before my increasingly irregular periods. Combine this with freezing chills and you have the making of a perfect sleepless night.
6. Perspiration and change in body odor - I’m not a sweater and the perspiration under my armpits and boobs was becoming super sexy, if that’s what you’re into. Deodorants that used to work just fine were now, just not cutting the mustard. But, it sure smelled like it.
7. Low libido- always raring to go- a quiet, slow decline over months and years started to reveal - the things that turned me on, now didn’t and it was a painstakingly slow burn at the start and crawl to that finish line. In other words- if I had to choose Netflix over sex you know which one I’m picking- Every time.
8. Overstimulation - The lights are too bright. Everyone is talking and giving me a headache (even when they’re whispering.) Why does everyone have to touch me all the time? Get off me. You’re chewing too loud. I need to lower the car radio to concentrate when I parallel park. I must clean up this mess it’s giving me a panic attack. I need to answer that email and get the mac and cheese off the stove and wash my daughter’s hair and sign up for parent teacher conferences, but NEED do it NOW, all at the same time. You get the picture.
9. Forgetfulness - Is it brain fog or early onset dementia? Is it both? Why did I just come in this room? Why are my car keys in the fridge? What is my best friend’s name? Why am I calling the cat the dog’s name and my son the cat’s name? When the hell did I RSVP yes to that kid’s birthday party and holy shit it’s tomorrow and I didn’t get a present.
10. Rage - Not to be confused with mood swings. This? Next level with an extra delicate fuse. I could arm wrestle a T. Rex with my pinky and win. I could breathe fire, scream, curse, yell and make sounds not known to man. I would feel the rise of heat from my toes through my body and was not taking anyone’s shit. Zero tolerance.